Soulfuck /sōl ,fək/ noun
To feel completely infinite, while with a close friend or complete stranger. For once in your life, to be understood and to understand fully, without an explanation. There is usually no touching involved, only presence (source).
A June bug makes a home on my window sill as sunlight pours in. My lack of a bed frame keeps me submerged in darkness - a witness to the onset of the day. Up, I watch dew climb blades of grass in real time. Floor boards yawn beneath my feet, tickling my joints. The juvenile sun wraps my body and I float into tides of blue in the emerging sky.
“Show me, show me, show me where you wander,
where the pond with the mirrored top is... I just want to watch you day dream, and sit alone.”
I feel like some cosmic freeloader - with you I have unlocked the universe and grabbed hold of the sun. It couldn’t be me you seek in return.
My admiration for you breaks apart a statuesque man and a bold heart - nothing left but some spectral aura. Daunting it is to marvel at the notes on the edge of one’s lips and rise up to the heavens without actually dying.
But, in some stellar collision, we fuse. Gravity pulls everything to the earth as we spin on a totem into the sky. In this moment I see you, and you me.
A sudden creak in the floor draws me from my dopamine day dream. With the cosmos floating somewhere above I nestle into my pocket of darkness, soul nutting all over myself as I hang up my phone.
“Nothing else will suffice now, will it?”